Why consequences are important

It is also an important element of positive discipline. Teaching children that the decisions they make and the actions they take matter — and have consequences, both positive and negative — can help them learn self-discipline. Teaching children the importance of consequences means setting realistic expectations, acting consistently and reflecting on good and not so good choices.

Here are some ideas for helping children learn and grow through the choices they make:. Oct 7, Articles , Parents. The day Sep 29, Articles , Parents. As the second-largest Asian American group in the country and the third-largest ethnic group in California, Filipino Americans Celebrating National Hispanic Heritage Month: September 15th — October 15th Hispanic communities — the largest ethnic minority group in the United States, according to Pew Research Center — have made enormous contributions to the history, culture and achievements of Aug 23, Parents.

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One or both parents should sit down with the child and discuss the behavior in question. Be sure that there is a good understanding on everyone's part of what is expected and in most cases why.

Why becomes more important to the older child, and especially the teen. During this discussion, encourage the child to voice her views, feelings, and suggestions. Once the expectations are agreed upon, complete the plan by coming up with a consequence in the case that the expectations are not met. Be sure the consequence is fair, related to the behavior in question if possible, and meets the criteria for your long-term goals, i.

Let the child know that when she breaks the agreement, the consequence will be enforced automatically without any further discussion. This last point is very important. The system is only as good as the parents' ability to follow through with the plan. Further, the phrase "enforced automatically" means exactly that.

There should be no I told you so's, or you should have listened to me, or why do you do these things, etc. This is called piggybacking. Piggybacking adds a punitive twist to the consequence, thereby turning it into a punishment rather than a learning tool.

You'll find that once you have issued a punitive statement, your child will turn her attention to feelings of anger and revenge toward you rather than being able to take in the lesson provided by the situation.

The consequences speak for themselves. They allow the child to feel and experience the results of her own behavior without you driving it home. Now let's return to our situation involving Heather, the little girl who doesn't want to set the table.

There are several strategies that might be helpful here. First, mom should sit Heather down at a time other than dinner, when both are calm, and discuss the problem. She can ask Heather what part bothers her the most about the situation. It could be that Heather has a difficult time making transitions from one activity to another.

She would be more cooperative if mom could let her know a half-hour before it was time to set the table that she would need to begin the process of breaking away from her current activity. Mom could warn her again at fifteen minutes, and again at five. Another possibility is to redirect Heather's behavior by giving her more responsibility in this situation. Maybe she would like to be in charge of decorating the table, or helping with some part of the meal, or helping to plan the menu.

This allows Heather to feel some ownership in what needs to be accomplished, and allows her to make a contribution by using some of her talents and strengths. Finally, a consequence needs to be considered. Mom can make it clear that she will not tell Heather to set the table more than one time outside of the time warnings she agrees to issue.

If Heather reacts by arguing or becoming angry, she will need to go to her room to cool off until she can calm down, and then return to the dining room to set the table. If she misses setting the table altogether, then she will have to make up for causing her mother to have more work to do that night.

In other words, if she makes mom's job harder by not doing her part, then she will have to make mom's job easier in some other way by doing more such as washing the dishes after dinner. Parental obligations what you absolutely must give your children, such as basic nutritious food, proper medical care, school attendance, and respect. Privileges what you choose to give to your children, such as special foods that meet their preferences, outings, sports, and activities.

The delineation between a privilege and an obligation may be different in different households. The idea is to figure out what in your household is a privilege and as such can be taken away when necessary. For example, in one family playing a sport may be a privilege, while in another, once registered, it may become an obligation. These privileges are not owed to your children — there should be a give-and-take between you and your children — you give privileges if they earn them by their appropriate behavior.

It may be your pleasure to give your children these privileges, but you also have the right to expect decent behavior in return. If your children do not behave, do not listen to you, or are disrespectful, it is your right and responsibility to help them learn to do better by imposing consequences.

By getting clear about what is a privilege, you can do a better job with discipline and curbing a sense of entitlement in your children. For example, maybe you view playing a sport as an obligation because you want your child to get exercise and learn teamwork and a skill.

But being on a travel team may be a privilege. This action is not done harshly. You will need to find your own words, but for example:. If done beforehand during a calm period, you can have your children brainstorm a list of privileges with you. When you find yourself needing to suspend privileges, you can then have your children put themselves on suspension, picking what privilege they will forego.

Some children can be harder on themselves than their parents would be. Other times, you may want to choose what privilege to suspend, knowing what item on the list will really get their attention.

For example, taking away their cell phone while in the house may be more effective than taking away television or game cube access. You want to take away something that will get their attention, not to make them angry, but to help them realize that there is a problem and that you are not going to let them slide. You are going to hold them accountable and let them be just miserable enough that they will want to work with you to rectify the situation.

Your position and feelings about privileges and consequences is very important to your effective use of consequences. If you believe you have the right to set limits and the obligation to teach appropriate behavior, that you provide your children with many privileges, that the privileges have to be earned, and that you do all this in a loving, respectful — not angry or punitive — way, you are more likely to be successful.

While parents have the power to suspend the privileges, children have the power to earn back privileges; it is not merely a matter of the privileges being suspended for a pre-determined amount of time. When a consequence is lifted according to certain time limitation set by parents, there is less learning and children have less power.

When children have to do certain things to have the consequence met or lifted, more learning occurs and children have more power. Learn how your comment data is processed.

Montessori parenting encompasses ideas drawn from the studies of Maria Montessori and the famous Montessori movement. Who is Maria Montessori behind the Montessori Parenting? One hundred years ago a young Italian woman,.

Newborns with low birth weight are vulnerable to a significant number of diseases during early childhood. The Importance of Consequences in Positive Parenting Consequences in positive parenting are important because they establish good behavior and eliminate bad behavior. Ways to Enforce Consequences First, note that consequences need to be consistently applied in order to be effective. Natural consequences.

Natural consequences happen when children do not heed warnings. For instance, if a child is reckless, a parent warns the child to settle down to avoid breaking his or her toys. If the child does not listen, the toys will break, and the child has nothing to play with.